Pursuit of Happiness

Do you ever ask it from yourself like I do quite often, that "Am I doing what I always wanted to do?", "Am I happy for whatever I am doing?" or "Is it the life I wanted?”

I bet most of you do and we think similar at least on these lines. But do we have similar thoughts for the solution?

I am a software techie by profession, working as a Project Lead with a huge MNC, which works in health care domain. Consequences of my life made me choose this profession and I think I am doing it quite well. I never thought in my life that I would be working in some company's infrastructure with so many cubicals around me, where I would be 'just another guy', doing all that my peers would be doing.. I never thought of it really.. Go to the office in the morning, check mails, do assigned tasks (which somebody else decides for me), do things which can save my ass the entire time, go home, eat, drink and sleep. Even I never liked going to school just because its so monotonous.. Same thing, same life, EVERYDAY!!?? But in weekends you get to do what you wish to do.. But even CHAOS has a theory of pattern. After sometime, even these weekends look so similar... Does that happen with you as well?...

People have their own perception, about life and the ways they want to live it. When people look at me, they feel that they are not living their life. And when I look at myself, I feel like, even I am not living it.. If I and they are not thinking similar that what this living is all about? Why they think I am living it and they are not?? Why I think its not actually living the life?? 'AAKHIR' WHY??

May be I have the answer; at least I am satisfied with it...
In our life, in the childhood, when we start to understand that here exists a world around us, we also understand that there are few things, which we are suppose to do. Go to School, study, play, carry hobbies, etc, etc.. As we grow in life, we get to understand that we have been doing all these because consequences made us do these. Then we start to realise that our peers, relatives, family, parents, everyone around us grow their expectations from us. In our entire adolescence, we drag and carry these expectations with a little of our own dreams, which, most of the times are the inspiration from someone's life; may be real or reel; we work harder and harder to meet these expectations. Sometimes we are asked and sometimes we are told that what we should do in our 'life'. If we get success, credit goes to our work and someone's idea of us doing it. If you lose, then you are accountable for everything you did to get things wrong; their idea was always right because it worked for them. You rise and drop, and that is the beauty of life. Some people take that drop as a challenge and work to the best of their abilities to get the success... and with your success you bring smile on so many faces around you. And Yesss, you do that!! This is something you love to do.. But then, do you think the way I do?? ...that is it what I always wanted to do? Well, I think that! And if you think about it, what are you doing to change things around you to make it your way... the way you wanted it... What are you doing?? …or can you do anything about it?? If you say 'Yes' then you are lying to yourself. How many times you have carried an empty soft drink can or leftovers, which you enjoyed with your beloveds or friends or family, in your hand to throw it in a trash box which you could not locate around you? How many times you have bought ice-creams, when you are in your car and enjoyed it as a kid...?? Many times..!!?? But do you always care not to throw the wrappers and sticks on street. I don't know how many times you did this, but I bet you must have cribbed about the filthiness of streets several times in you life. This is just an example.. Life is too complicated than just throwing trash at its right place. Idea is, just to understand that what all we want, do we really do something about it or we are just happy the way we are living our life and crib for unfavourable things.

I know even now, that I never wanted to be an IT professional. Given an option, I would have been an artist. Be it about painting walls, canvases, making sculptures, interiors, dresses, I would have done anything which is creative and artistic because all these make me happy.. these make me feel good.. because thats my 'Pursuit of Happiness'; happiness, the way I want.. But even already knowing all this, I cannot do anything about it.. because consequences of my life wont let me do it. Even thinking of switching the career would make me blind to look at what all can happen, if its done. May be, I cannot afford to take any chance of leaving this lush green career and start off with something fresh even after knowing the fact that what I want to do gives me ecstasy, gives me pleasure. Yeah, may be i am afraid, may be 'Its not Me'.